From Aging to Sage-ing: Navigating the Journey of Becoming a Modern Elder

Many of us feel like we’re growing whole rather than growing old. What if there was a new, modern archetype of elderhood, one that was worn as a badge of honor, not cloaked in shame?

Chip Conley

On the occasion of my 65th birthday in 2023, I made public a project I had been working for some time, and one that I plan to continue the rest of my life:

Becoming a Modern Elder.

Here was my resolve: As much as it is in my health, resources, and capacity, I resolve to:

My journey to becoming a Modern Elder is all about reciprocity. 

Giving and receiving. Teaching and learning. Speaking and listening. 

Everyone gets older, but not everyone gets elder.

The first just happens (if you’re lucky and healthy). The other you have to earn.

Along this journey, I’ve been researching the topic of elderhood, and I wanted to share an important contribution to that research from Terry Jones in his book, The Elder Within:

One writer approached the idea of what he calls “elderhood” as a “state of consciousness that arises in the context of physiological aging… [where] the psyche issues a call for us to engage in life completion, a process that involves specific tasks, such as coming to terms with our mortality, healing our relationships, enjoying our achievements and leaving a legacy for the future.”

The archetypal elder has been the same force in most cultures over most all of time. An archetype is an ancient model for a role that has survived time. Some writers refer to the archetypal “elder within” when discussing the energy from the psyche that energizes those who express eldership. “Within each person awaits the figure of the elder – a promise and a challenge.” Just as the instincts seem to account for recurrent behavior patterns in man, so the archetypes seem to account for recurrent psychic patterns. 

Psychic patterns are expressions of your psyche. The psyche is all of the human being, which is not physical. The psyche includes the conscious and unconscious elements of the human personality.

When a man taps the energy of the “elder within,” the following are available to him:

  • Balance in our expression of strength, celebration, intellect, and feeling
  • Knowledge of our faults, our shadow
  • An expression of self principally from our center, our soul
  • Patience and a desire to be available to others
  • An awareness of our personal strength
  • A sage-like love for consensus and community
  • A expression of wisdom that leads to being shown extraordinary
  • Deference by the community
  • A hunger to share the world with women and children: the opposite of patriarchy
  • A drive for conservation and a passion for the Earth and its survival
  • Assertive energy that invigorates and energizes but is not dangerous to others
  • A need to nurture and guide younger people and contribute to the next generation
  • Husbandman energy: driven by a passion for the best possible life for men and the beauty of the Earth
  • Stewardship energy of the Earth, of people
  • A desire to take care of ourselves and take pride in our good health
  • Knowledge that we are caretakers whose vitality depends on a personal shift from self to community
  • A personal force that empowers others when they are in your presence
  • A hunger to introduce the meaning of life to the young

Eldership is wisdom in an active state.

Wisdom is enlightenment, insight, and a high degree of learning. The elder is aware of the need to pass on one’s knowledge and to pass on the responsibility of stewardship of man and the Earth to the young.

I would love to hear your comments:

  • What’s your reaction to the list above?
  • What would you change?
  • What would you add?
  • What would you remove?

Thanks for contributing to my ongoing research and discussion of the Modern Elder!


The Secret to Building a Visionary Organization

Many leaders view retirement – whether a few years or a few decades away – as a finish line.

But increasingly these leaders, especially for those who are closer to retirement, are finding that being too young to retire but too old to find a job has become a critical issue.

Retirement doesn’t have to be the last great thing a leader does. It can be the gateway to a leader’s greatest season of influence.

We may live ten years longer than our parents and may even work twenty years longer, yet power is moving to those ten years younger.

Are leaders in this age group facing a decades long “irrelevancy gap”?

Many of us feel like we’re growing whole rather than growing old. What if there was a new, modern archetype of elderhood, one that was worn as a badge of honor, not cloaked in shame?

Chip Conley

THE QUICK SUMMARY – Wisdom @ Work: The Making of a Modern Elder by Chip Conley

Experience is making a comeback. Learn how to repurpose your wisdom.

At age 52, after selling the company he founded and ran as CEO for 24 years, rebel boutique hotelier Chip Conley was looking at an open horizon in midlife. Then he received a call from the young founders of Airbnb, asking him to help grow their disruptive start-up into a global hospitality giant. He had the industry experience, but Conley was lacking in the digital fluency of his 20-something colleagues. He didn’t write code, or have an Uber or Lyft app on his phone, was twice the age of the average Airbnb employee, and would be reporting to a CEO young enough to be his son. Conley quickly discovered that while he’d been hired as a teacher and mentor, he was also in many ways a student and intern. What emerged is the secret to thriving as a mid-life worker: learning to marry wisdom and experience with curiosity, a beginner’s mind, and a willingness to evolve, all hallmarks of the “Modern Elder.”

In a world that venerates the new, bright, and shiny, many of us are left feeling invisible, undervalued, and threatened by the “digital natives” nipping at our heels. But Conley argues that experience is on the brink of a comeback. Because at a time when power is shifting younger, companies are finally waking up to the value of the humility, emotional intelligence, and wisdom that come with age. And while digital skills might have only the shelf life of the latest fad or gadget, the human skills that mid-career workers possess–like good judgment, specialized knowledge, and the ability to collaborate and coach – never expire.

A SIMPLE SOLUTION

You don’t have to be on the other side of fifty to find the concept of becoming a “Modern Elder” relevant. The age at which we’re feeling self-consciously “old” is now creeping into some people’s thirties.

Digital platforms are disrupting virtually all industries, and the result is that more and more companies are relentlessly pursuing young hires, seemingly placing high DQ (digital intelligence) above all other skills.

The problem is that many of these young digital leaders are being thrust into positions of power with little experience or guidance.

At the same time, there exists a generation of older workers with invaluable skills – high EQ (emotional intelligence), good judgment born out of decades of experience, specialized knowledge, and a vast network of contacts.

With more generations in the workplace than ever before, elders have so much to offer those younger than them.

What if Modern Elders were the secret ingredient for the visionary organizations of tomorrow? What lessons must a Modern Elder learn?

Evolve

If we’re too wedded to the past and to the costume of a traditional elder – making wise pronouncements from the pulpit – we aren’t likely to grow much of a congregation.

As we enter midlife, we embark upon a creative evolution that amplifies our specialness while editing out the extraneous. After a lifetime of accumulation, we can concentrate on what we do best, what gives us meaning, and what we want to leave behind.

Sometimes, reframing your identity is not an internal shift in your values, but an external rearranging of your life to once again give priority to that which is most life-affirming for you.

Learn

There is great value in adopting a beginner’s mind and how to use this fresh perspective to increase your ability to learn.

Our world is awash in knowledge, but often wanting in wisdom. To stay relevant, it’s not just about learning something new, it’s also about learning new ways to access the information at our fingertips.

Teaching and learning are symbiotic. You can’t be a teaching legend without living on the learning edge.

Collaborate

By leveraging your ability to collaborate, you can make something bigger.

With five generations in today’s workplace, we can either operate as separate isolationist countries with generation-specific dialects and talents coexisting on one continent, or we can find ways to bridge these generational borders and delight in learning from people both older and younger than us.

Counsel

A byproduct of being seen as the elder at work is becoming the confidant of younger employees who want to bathe in your fountain of wisdom and are likely to be more candid with you as they don’t see you as a competitive threat.

While collaboration is a team sport, counseling is one-on-one, becoming a confident to your younger colleagues.

Smart companies know that while their competitors may outsource “counsel” to outside coaches who may offer some general wisdom, being a wise advisor can be so much more effective when an advisor is a wise elder who is in the trenches day to day with the advisee

Chip Conley, Wisdom @ Work: The Making of a Modern Elder

A NEXT STEP

Author Chip Conley devotes extensive help to leaders who want to go through the four lessons listed above. In order to get a taste of these resources, set aside some time to consider each of the following:

Evolve

Ask a minimum of a half-dozen coworkers, friends, or family to answer the following question: “When you think of me in good times or bad, what are the core qualities that I exhibit? What are the positive ones? And what are the more challenging ones?”

Before you read anyone else’s answers, answer these yourself, being as candid as you can, knowing you don’t need to share this with anyone else.

  • Can you identify your identity?
  • What are the durable traits or qualities you want your reputation built on?
  • What qualities are you ready to part ways with?

The capacity for change with a ballast of continuity defines the Modern Elder.

Learn

While it contradicts the stereotype that older people become more narrow-minded and set in their ways, there’s glorious evidence that post-fifty, many elders return to a childlike sense of wonder.

  • How can you become more curious?
  • What’s a subject – unrelated to your work – in which you could become one of the world’s leading experts?
  • How will your create necessary time in your schedule for wondering about the world?

Essential for a Modern Elder is the desire to experience something new and unexpected rather than regress into what is comfortable and familiar.

Collaborate

Your capacity to collaborate will improve if you create team norms that help everyone feel that the group is there to support you and the mission, as opposed to undermining you. Here are a few group norms that have proven to be effective:

  • Try to encourage everyone to participate in group discussions, especially those representing diverse demographics and viewpoints.
  • Lead by example by not interrupting teammates during conversations and giving credit to people for their earlier idea as you built upon it.
  • Call out intergroup conflicts so you can resolve matters in person.

As a Modern Elder, we have the capacity to be a “first-class noticer,” paying close attention to what is happening around us, and helping make sure everyone on the team is contributing.

Counsel

You may learn that your true value comes in those times when you get the counselor role right. Here are some best practices in counseling:

  • Listen both to the story and for the story and beware of pre-judging.
  • Assuming it feels appropriate, self-reveal something about your history that will help others understand they’re not alone.
  • Prove your loyal – first and foremost by explicitly committing to confidentiality.

Spiritually radiant, physically vital, and socially responsible Modern Elders feel generative when they create the space for those younger than them to accelerate their learning by means of providing wise counsel.


Part of a regular series on 27gen, entitled Wednesday Weekly Reader

During my elementary school years one of the things I looked forward to the most was the delivery of “My Weekly Reader,” a weekly educational magazine designed for children and containing news-based, current events.

It became a regular part of my love for reading, and helped develop my curiosity about the world around us.