The Second Half of Marriage

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Milestones along the journey usually indicated distance traveled. In a figurative sense, milestones indicate an event along life’s journey. As I noted here, this week marks a big milestone in our house: our youngest son graduates from high school.

Following his graduation this weekend, he will return to the boy’s camp where he is a summer counselor (he’s already been there a week, training). When camp is over in August, it will be just a few short weeks and then he will be in college.

And the nest will be empty.

For the first time in over 30 years, it will just be Anita and I. No kids. No kids’ friends. No soccer games. No church groups. No school assignments. No…you name it.

That’s kind of daunting.

We actually have had a couple of summers to practice the empty nest thing, as our son has been a counselor each of the previous two summers. So, for a period of 10 weeks or so, we’ve been empty nesters. But not really; we knew at the end of summer he would be back again. This time, however, it will be real.

Enter the second half of marriage.

A few years ago, I wrote about it here and here. One Valentine’s Day, I talked about it here.

All of a sudden, the here is now.

  • Your teenagers have gone to college
  • Your parents are aging
  • You’ve been invited to your twenty-fifth (or thirty-fifth) high school reunion
  • Your exercise more (?) but burn fewer calories
  • You have received an invitation to join AARP
  • By the time you get your spouse’s attention, you’ve forgotten what you were going to say

If you identify with these symptoms, you are in or are approaching the second half of marriage.

Why not make the rest of your marriage the best?

Brand You

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All leaders are in sales.

You may not be selling a widget or a gizmo, but you are “selling” vision and ideas and momentum, and dozens of other powerful intangibles that are very real.

One of the keys to being successful in sales is being memorable. One important way to be memorable is to have a personal brand. Valerie Sokolosky, an executive coach, recommends that professionals build personal brand equity in the following 5 ways:

  • Brand yourself through your professional presence. First impressions count! What messages are your clothes, grooming, and posture presenting? Your outside appearance speaks volumes before you even open your mouth.
  • Brand yourself as a valued partner. What do you know about the group you are leading or the project you are trying to tackle? Take time to do research on the people, places, and process involved, and when you lead, you will be doing it from a solid knowledge base.
  • Brand yourself with strong communication skills. Learn how to quickly gauge the people and environment you are in. Is it appropriate for small talk first or is it time to get right to business?
  • Brand yourself by staying one step ahead. Anticipate what the group wants or needs. Anticipate what may be going on in the team. Be fully prepared for questions, and always be truthful when you’re asked something you don’t know. “I don’t know but I’ll find out” is always an acceptable answer.
  • Brand yourself as being socially savvy. In today’s world that means both interpersonal and digital skills. Be a good conversationalist, mixing and mingling as appropriate. Ask open-ended questions, and really listen.

How are you going to develop Brand You today?

 

Lessons in Teamwork…

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…courtesy of the Miami Heat

The Miami Heat’s Big Three

I’m not really a fan of pro basketball, but I must say that the free-agent talent raid pulled off by the Miami Heat has made for interesting conversations since last summer. From marketing hype at it’s most annoying (LeBron James’ announcement –“The Decision” – that he was going to the Heat) to instant pundits proclaiming them the next dynasty to a chorus of “I told you so”, it’s been more like a three-ring circus than a basketball team.

But leave it to Fast Company magazine’s Chuck Salter to find some great lessons in teambuilding from, well building a team. You need to read the whole story here, but for a quick taste read the following:

6 Steps Required to Create a Dream Team (in any setting)

  1.  The Ego Equation: start with sacrifice. High-priced talent doesn’t ensure success. Think New York Yankees – or the Knicks. Sports not your thing? Remember when Steven Spielberg, Jeffrey Katzenberg, and David Geffen looked like a can’t-miss team at DreamWorks? Turns out, no one bothered to account for the polarity of their personalities. Teaming up has its trade-offs. Where once Wade had the spotlight, now he has to share it. No more entourage traveling with James. All three have seen less of the basketball. In other words, the team’s leaders have done what stars need to do when they merge: show a willingness to sacrifice. It’s a necessary start.
  2. The Rule of Many: stars can’t go it alone. New hires perform better when they bring a former colleague with them. Miami brought over a player who had been with James for seven seasons. The team also kept a longtime buddy of Wades who had been on the team eight years. All told, Miami added six new players in a span of 21 days: three-point specialists, guys to do the grunt work of rebounding, setting picks, and feeding the ball to the “Big 3.”
  3. The Platoon Principle: adversity is an asset. Nothing brings a team together like a common enemy. Google needs Facebook. Under Armour needs Nike. The Heat need everybody who’s not the Heat. Coach Erik Spoelstra hoped to turn the vitriol to his advantage. The real bonding didn’t occur until the team began to lose – and badly. Said Spoelstra: “When it’s raw, when you don’t get along, that’s when there’s the most opportunity for growth.” Under duress, Miami found its identity.
  4. The Trust Theorem: when the going gets tough, turn to one another. Watching the three superstars at practice, it’s obvious these guys get along. But camaraderie doesn’t necessarily translate into collaboration. When you assemble a team of experts, it’s better to have complementary, not competing, specialties.
  5. The Credibility Conundrum: manage from the inside out. Coach Spoelstra’s position is like any manager operating between the CEO and the in-the-trenches talent. Spoelstra needs to tread carefully, balancing his obligations to his boss and his commitments to his players, all in his quest to build his own credibility for leadership. The coach must wrestle when to coddle and when to push, trying to master the sleight of hand that allows the young millionaires to feel they have ownership of the team even as he calls the shots.
  6. The Law of Patience: beware the blame game. Everyone remembers the six NBA titles the Chicago Bulls won with Jordan, Pippen, and a cast of specialists to support them. What we tend to forget is how long it took the Bulls to put all those pieces together. They didn’t win the first year. Or the second. Or even the third. It took the team four years. Chemistry takes time. The players respect one another’s individual skills and even learn from one another. But those patterns don’t emerge right away. Chemistry isn’t something you create and then ignore. It’s a reflection of the bonds between members, and those bonds are fragile and needy – and constantly changing.

This is what any team aspires to: passion, unity, and absolute conviction that you can achieve whatever you want as a group.

What teamwork lessons can you learn from the Heat and apply to your team?