In Love Your Enemies, Arthur C. Brooks offers a bold diagnosis and antidote to America’s bitter polarization, the “culture of contempt.” Drawing from behavioral science, ancient moral teachings, and his own tenure as president of the American Enterprise Institute (AEI), Brooks crafts a compelling argument that we can disagree without despising one another – and in fact, we must.
The Problem: America’s “Culture of Contempt”
Brooks opens the book by framing the moment: political polarization is no longer just about disagreement; it’s about disdain. People on opposite sides of the political spectrum often don’t believe their opponents are merely wrong – they believe they are evil, stupid, or dangerous. Brooks calls this the culture of contempt – a toxic blend of anger and disgust.
Quoting behavioral research from scholars like John Gottman, Brooks highlights that contempt is the most corrosive emotion in human relationships. Gottman’s work, originally focused on marriages, shows that contempt – not conflict – is the most accurate predictor of divorce. Transposing this insight to the public square, Brooks argues that contempt is driving our civic divorce. “When people treat each other with contempt,” he writes, “they can’t persuade each other; they can’t even listen.”
The issue, according to Brooks, is not disagreement itself. In fact, as a former classical musician turned economist and social scientist, Brooks thrives on healthy debate. What’s killing us is the way we disagree.
A Personal Pivot: From Conflict to Connection
As the long-time leader of AEI, a free-market think tank known for its conservative bent, Brooks spent years speaking on contentious topics in deeply liberal environments. He recounts a turning point: after a lecture, a progressive protester confronted him, saying, “I came here to hate you.” But she didn’t. After hearing Brooks talk about “moral consensus” rather than ideological conquest, she admitted surprise.
Moments like this seeded the central thesis of the book: we can stand for what we believe without hating those who believe differently. Brooks’s leadership at AEI was marked by his insistence that ideological diversity not devolve into tribal warfare. He championed policies he believed in – school choice, market-based reforms, opportunity for the marginalized – but insisted they be articulated with respect and humility.
This tone – firm on convictions, gentle in posture – is the very “radical kindness” Brooks urges readers to adopt.
Five Rules to Subvert the Culture of Contempt
Brooks structures the core of the book around five rules for fighting back against contempt:
- Stand Up to the Man, Join a Countercultural Movement
Brooks encourages readers to reject the media and political class that profit from outrage. He draws on research showing that conflict-driven media creates dopamine loops similar to addiction. The solution is to become a “happy warrior” – someone who stands firm in beliefs but refuses to be baited by negativity. - Escape the Bubble
Drawing from Robert Cialdini’s principles of influence, Brooks shows how homogenous social networks create ideological echo chambers that amplify contempt. He urges intentional friendship across divides and warns against “motive attribution asymmetry” – the belief that our side is driven by love and their side by hate. - Say No to Contempt
This section integrates both science and Stoicism. Brooks cites psychologist Paul Bloom’s work on empathy and explains how controlling emotional responses is essential to civic virtue. He then invokes Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius to illustrate that we don’t have to be slaves to our reactions. “You always have the power,” he writes, “to choose your response.” - Disagree Better, Not Less
Rather than avoid conflict, Brooks argues for better conflict – constructive disagreement that sharpens minds and broadens perspectives. He borrows from behavioral economics to show how people are more persuadable when treated with dignity. Citing economist Jonathan Haidt, he explains how moral foundations theory helps people understand why others believe what they believe. - Tune Out: Disconnect More from Unhealthy Media and Social Media
In this rule, Brooks is practical. He critiques the monetization of outrage and the algorithmic addiction of social platforms. Quoting studies from the Pew Research Center and MIT, he shows how false information spreads faster than truth – especially when it stokes tribal emotion. His advice: take regular “media fasts” to recalibrate your emotional baseline.
Ancient Wisdom Meets Modern Neuroscience
One of the book’s distinctive features is how seamlessly Brooks blends ancient wisdom with contemporary science. He draws heavily from Christian teachings – especially the Sermon on the Mount and Jesus’ injunction to “love your enemies” – but also from Buddhist compassion practices and Jewish ethics.
He also relies on modern cognitive science to reinforce those insights. For example, research from UCLA’s Matthew Lieberman on social pain shows that rejection and contempt light up the same brain regions as physical injury. In other words, contempt hurts in a neurological sense.
The implication: if we care about human dignity, we must reject contempt – even when it’s fashionable.
A Joyful Revolution
The next-to-last chapter is among the most hopeful. In it, Brooks explores the relationship between friendship and disagreement, and illustrates it with the unlikely friendship of two Princeton University professors whose similarities end there. Their friendship is not predicated on finding ares of agreement or avoiding conflict – “it requires disagreement, based on a shared quest for what is good and true and lifts up others.”
Brooks wants to build a movement of people who model persuasive disagreement without moral grandstanding. He knows this is hard – it requires spiritual and emotional maturity. But he believes it’s possible, and indeed, urgent.
Evaluation: Why It Matters Now
Love Your Enemies is a timely, cogent, and personally vulnerable call to rehumanize our public discourse. It’s not a treatise on centrism or a plea for milquetoast moderation. Brooks argues for passionate conviction – rooted in dignity rather than disdain.
The book’s strength lies in its multi-dimensionality. It is part memoir, part social science, part moral philosophy. For readers fatigued by the venom of the culture wars, Brooks offers a roadmap to principled civility. He never asks readers to give up their values; he challenges them to live those values in a way that actually changes minds.
Brooks writes as a former insider to ideological power, but now sees that love – not victory – as the more transformative goal.
Part of a regular series on 27gen, entitled Wednesday Weekly Reader.
During my elementary school years one of the things I looked forward to the most was the delivery of “My Weekly Reader,” a weekly educational magazine designed for children and containing news-based current events.
It became a regular part of my love for reading, and helped develop my curiosity about the world around us.
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