Tag Archives: anniversary

Love’s Deeper Meaning: Revealing Divine Presence in Marriage

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I have long admired the writings of Henri Nouwen. I became acquainted with his work during seminary in the early 1980s; his powerful and simple words have spoken to me deeply over the years. During the past month I have been reading old favorites along with some new-to-me works.

As Anita and I celebrate our 45th wedding anniversary this weekend, Nouwen’s words on marriage from Following Jesus: Finding Our Way Home in an Age of Anxiety have brought me to deep reflection.


Marriage is not that two people love each other so much that they can find God in each other, but that God loves them so much that they can discover each other as living reminders of God’s presence.

Henri Nouwen

The essence of love extends far beyond personal relationships. According to spiritual understanding, love fundamentally begins with our connection to God. We are capable of loving others because we have first experienced God’s unconditional and limitless love within ourselves.

In human relationships – especially through marriage – people discover a love that transcends individual capabilities. These connections are not primarily about personal compatibility or shared goals, but about revealing a greater divine love. Each nuance of the relationship becomes a window through which we can glimpse the infinite love of God.

The concept of a “person” is particularly meaningful in this context. Derived from Latin words meaning “to sound through,” a person is essentially a conduit for expressing a love larger than themselves. When we tell someone “I love you,” we are essentially saying, “You are a pathway through which I can perceive God’s infinite love.”

Intimate relationships are not about finding complete fulfillment in another person, but about recognizing the divine presence in each other. In marriage, for instance, the bond is not created because two people love each other perfectly, but because God’s love holds them together. The relationship becomes a living testament to God’s presence, creating a space of hospitality and connection.

When we have discovered God within ourselves – in our solitude and inner depths – we can then recognize the divine presence in others. It’s a profound mutual recognition where “love speaks to love, and God speaks to God.”

This perspective transforms how we understand human connections. Marriage is not just personal interactions, but sacred opportunities to manifest God’s love. Each part of the relationship becomes a collaborative effort to make divine love visible in the world.

The key insight is that love is fundamentally relational and transcendent. We are not complete in ourselves nor do we complete each other, but are interconnected through a greater love. Our limitations become opportunities for divine love to shine through. Each person becomes a “window” through which the infinite can be glimpsed.

This understanding reframes human relationships as spiritual experiences. They are not just about personal satisfaction or meeting individual needs, but about participating in a broader, more expansive love. Our connections become acts of revelation, showing how God’s unconditional love can be experienced and shared.

The Christian life is essentially a journey of making God’s presence tangible through love. It’s about recognizing the divine in ourselves and in others, and creating spaces where that love can be celebrated and experienced.

Ultimately, we need to see relationships not as ends in themselves, but as sacred pathways to understanding a love that is infinite, unconditional, and transformative. Each interaction becomes an opportunity to reflect and experience the profound, all-embracing love of God.


Marriage is not a lifelong attraction of two individuals to each other, but a call for two people to witness together to God’s love. . . . [The] intimacy of marriage itself is an intimacy that is based on the common participation in a love greater than the love two people can offer each other. They are brought together, indeed, as two prayerful hands extended toward God and forming in this way a home for God in this world.

Henri Nouwen

Make Your 2nd Half of Marriage a Time of Incredible Fulfillment

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The second half of your marriage (when the kids leave home, and/or when you are helping with your own parent’s lifestyle decisions) can be a time of incredible fulfillment, no matter what challenges you previously faced.

It can be a time of learning about each other and about God’s long-term plans for your marriage. And a time of building together – sharing dreams, making commitments, and working towards a more satisfying union.

Having just celebrated my 38th anniversary on December 8, I sought out resources to help answer this question:

How can we make the second half of our marriage even better than the first?

David and Claudia Arp’s book “The Second Half of Marriage” has provided a lot of helpful guidance in starting out on the journey of the second half of marriage. Yesterday, I posted four strategies they outline in their book. Here, in their own words, are the final four:

  1. Build a deeper friendship and enjoy your spouse. Now is a great time to deepen your friendship with each other and stretch your boundaries to prevent boredom. Think of ways to put more fun in your marriage.
  2. Renew romance and restore a pleasurable sexual relationship. Many people assume that as people grow older they lose interest in sex, but our survey results suggest otherwise. The quality of your love life is not so much a matter of performance as it is an integral part of the relationship. Take care of your health and renew romance even while acknowledging the inevitable changes that come with aging.
  3. Adjust to changing roles with aging parents and adult children. Release your children, then reconnect with them on an adult level. At the same time, your relationship with your parents may need a little altering, too. The effort you expend in forging better relationships with loved ones on both ends of the generational seesaw is well worth it.
  4. Evaluate where you are on your spiritual pilgrimage. Research indicates that most people, as they age and consider death, become more religious because they think more about what it all means. Why not consider this time of transition as an opportunity to talk more openly and regularly about your relationship with Christ: what it means, why it matters, and what it means for your marriage? Take time to serve others, too, and pass along some of the wisdom you have gained.

In addition to the wealth of material in the book, the Arps provide additional resources through their Marriage Alive website.

And now for the whole picture of our wedding party – December 8, 1979, at First Baptist Church, Goodlettsville, TN.

It’s day 13,882 for Anita and me – and our journey together continues!