THE QUICK SUMMARY
We all want a place where our stories matter, our voices are heard, our uniqueness is celebrated, our failures are embraced, and our hopes are unleashed. That kind of deep, life-changing community was modeled perfectly by Jesus and the ragged bunch of disciples with whom he chose to spend his time. But how can we create it in our lives?
Using the relationship of Jesus to his disciples in the upper room, Bill Donahue presents a simple but compelling approach to community life that was modeled by Jesus and offered to us all today. Using a table, a towel, and the truth, Jesus created an “irresistible community” where everyone finds a place to belong, live fully in the truth, and serve others with joy.
A SIMPLE SOLUTION
While the evidence is debatable today, many of us grew up in homes with basic rules of behavior when our families gathered for meals. Those rules might have even been given the name “table manners.”
While the basics were to be expected at our own tables, they went up several levels while visiting family or friends.
Whether it was a quick meal picked up at the drive through on the way home from school and sports events or a formal, “company’s coming” dinner, we knew that manners mattered.
According to author Bill Donahue, manners at the table determine our experience at the table. When they are followed with joy and freedom, a culture for authentic relationships is created. What we practice at the table we carry into the world.
Each one of us believes we have the best view of what our community should be like; therefore, no one person or subgroup can be allowed to take control, ignoring the contributions and feelings of others.
While there are dozens of “manners” – values and habits that constitute relational table etiquette – here are five that are indispensable for the enjoyment of fellowship in Jesus’ name.
Put Out the Welcome Mat
The table must be a place where grace is abundant. Desperate people need heavy doses of grace, and warmly welcoming them is one of the kindest expressions of grace we can offer.
See the Truth, Be the Truth
Authenticity – being true to self and others – matters when Jesus is at the table. We are able to declare our confidence in the God who is love and who has done great things in and for us.
Be Someone Others Can Trust
When a table is characterized by mutual trust among its members, we can reveal the most tender and vulnerable parts of ourselves without fear or worry. Put your trust in one another and strengthen your table.
Let Go, and Let Go Again
Few experiences restore joy, hope, and freedom at the table more than giving and receiving forgiveness. A culture of forgiveness makes any community irresistible.
Strive for Progress, Not Perfection
The table is a healing place. There we express needs and extend hope, share struggles and pray prayers, listen deeply and laugh loudly. We do these things and many more to make spiritual and relational progress.
Bill Donahue, The Irresistible Community
A NEXT STEP
Assuming your definition of “table manners” will be taking place in your home, gather the family for a discussion before moving forward with inviting others into your home on a regular basis.
On a chart tablet, reproduce the five headings in the list above.
Read through each manner and discuss with your family, particularly in how well (or not so well) you are doing in each.
Using a rating scale of 1-5 where 1 equals “We do not do at all” and 5 equals “We consistently practice this,” come to a family “score” of that table manner.
Celebrate the 4-5s, talk about how you can improve the 2-3s, and prayerfully challenge each other to move beyond any 1s you have.
Reconvene your family for this discussion in one month, and repeat the process above.
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