Category Archives: First Place Hospitality

Loving My Actual Neighbor

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7 Practices to Treasure the People Right in Front of You

Jesus was 100 percent clear: Love God, love others. May we do so in a way that is honoring to both our Creator and those he created, with respect for all involved and dignity in every interaction.

Alexandra Kuykendall

As Christians, we know we are called to love our neighbor. We may even grasp that “neighbor” encompasses more than just the people living next door or down the street. But what we too often don’t know is how to begin. How do we love our neighbor? Where do we start? What does this look like in our increasingly isolated world?

Following practices outlined in the first chapter of 2 Peter, Alexandra Kuykendall lays out the framework for where to begin. From practicing humility to listening with understanding to being generous in our relationships, Loving My Actual Neighbor offers practical, start-now steps readers can take to love their neighbors. With her approachable, friendly tone and down-to-earth advice, Kuykendall has carved out for herself a place in the hearts of readers, who will be thrilled to extend her commonsense approach into this sphere of their lives.

As we begin the journey together of exploring how to love our neighbors well, may we remember that God’s grace is covering it all. We are imperfect people stumbling through life, trying to love other imperfect people.

If we are getting more honest in relationships, there will be moments (or days or weeks or years) that will be difficult. Things won’t go as we picture they will. The mess will seep out and we will miss opportunities that come up. We will likely say things we regret, and we will face feeling and ideas that make us uncomfortable.

But we will also experience life as God intended with more depth as we interact with those right in front of us on a more intentional level.

Loving My Actual Neighbor

How to Help Your Church Live Sent in the Place They Call Home

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Not so long ago, neighbors generally kept their doors open to one another. Smaller houses seemed less confining, because the more porous divisions between homes – separated not by doors of wood or steel but by “screen doors” – encouraged socializing with neighbors.

An essential ingredient in community formation is dying out: the strong relational ties that are built when we let our guard down with each other, when we claim common space as an appropriate forum for conversation, play, and eating.

I used to think hospitality was a lost art. Now I’m convinced it is a lost heart.

Leonard Sweet

I want to introduce you to the possibility of leading your church to build bridges with hospitality – from member’s homes to their neighbors.

These bridges are the next step in the ongoing shift from a facility-focused ministry to one based in people’s homes.

Think of it as shifting:

  • From your buildings to their blocks
  • From your campus to their cul-de-sac
  • From in person to in the neighborhood

Why not encourage and equip your members to BE the church in their neighborhoods TODAY, before asking them to BRING their neighbors to church in the future?

Watch the video replay of How to Help Your Church Live SENT in the Place They Call Home. You will learn about the spaces, places, and graces that will help your church become bridge builders to their neighbors. I unpack these three words with ideas, examples, and tools to help your church BE the church where they live.

To help you get the most out of the video, download this Listening Guide prior to watching the video, then work along with it to develop your own “bridges” in your neighborhood.

The Character of Hospitality

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Authors Pat Ennis and Lisa Tatlock, in their wonderful book Practicing Hospitality, surveyed the Scriptures and created a word collage of what a person of character who desires to practice hospitality might look like. Here’s their summary version:

H – Humble

Humility is the opposite of self-sufficiency and is a necessary prerequisite if I am going to be of service to my heavenly Father. I can exercise humility by choosing to step out of my comfort zone and invite individual into my home with whom I may not be totally at ease, or those who may have unrealistic expectations about the event.

O – Obedient

The primary evidence that individuals are Christians is their choice to obey all of their Father’s command. I demonstrate obedience by obeying all of my Father’s commands that focus on hospitality.

S – Sincere

Genuine, as well as absence of deceit or hypocrisy, describes sincere actions. I will “stay on my knees” until I can extend sincere invitations.

P – Prayerful

Prayer – that is, communicating with my heavenly Father – shows my desire for His direction about and dependence on Him for the event. I resolve to pray about all aspects of the events that I play.

I – Interested in Integrity

Integrity is choosing to dow hat is right when given a choice between right and wrong, even when it is unpopular. I will choose to adhere to my heavenly Father’s standards, regardless of what the mainstream of society is doing.

T – Trustworthy

A trustworthy home provides an ambience of trust and confidence. I will study Elizabeth’s life in Luke 1:39-56 as a model for my life.

A – Adopted into God’s Family

Adoption is choosing to legally integrate an individual into one’s home and nurturing that individual as one’s very own child. I will choose, through the strength of the Holy Spirit, to behave in a way that reflects my royal heritage, so that my guests will observe a bit of “heaven on earth” in my home.

L – Led by the Spirit

Walking in the Spirit literally mens keeping in step with the Holy Spirit. I will propose to walk tin the Spirit so I will not carry out the desire of my flesh (Galatians 5:16).

I – Instrumental in Producing Righteousness

An instrument of righteousness brings “every through captive to obey Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) and refuses to fret or worry about anything (Philippians 4:6-8). I must control what I think about and purpose to be spiritually renewed by humble presenting my concerns to my loving heavenly Father – even when the hospitality event appears to be beyond my capabilities.

T – Thankful

Being thankful is an act of the will that generates the giving of thanks to God – regardless of the circumstances. I choose t learn to be content regardless of my circumstances. (Philippians 2:11).

Y – Yielded

We are to possess a willingness to yield to our heavenly Father’s specific instructions in relation to practicing hospitality. I demonstrate my love to Him by choosing to embrace His instructions with my whole heart – and that is when my joy is complete (1 John 1:4; 2 John 12).

With the summary of the word collage above, you can create your own personal version. Click here to download the image below. Use it to personalize your own ideas in developing a character of hospitality.

I hope you have been intrigued enough by the information above to pick up a copy of Practicing Hospitality and explore the many other useful tools the authors have created.

How Can We Learn to Pay Attention to Wherever God Has Placed Us?

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The first fundamental of successful city life: People must take a modicum of responsibility for each other even if they have no ties to each other. This is a lesson no one learns by being told. It is learned from the experience of having other people without ties of kinship or close friendship or formal responsibility to you take a modicum of responsibility for you.

Jane Jacobs, Death and Life of Great American Cities

According to author Shauna Pilgreen, neighbors might not be your BFFs, but they’re your wall-sharers, your fence-sharers. God might have more for these relationships, but you’ve got to start the introductions.

In Pilgreen’s words, if we are to live sent, we go to the neighbors to make the introductions.

And to make introductions, we must first pay attention.

Tim Soerens believes that our capacity to be fully present in any given moment is constantly under assault, and this poses a grave danger to making progress in following the way of Jesus in our everyday life.

The world beyond our house and street is impossibly overwhelming and messy. But as Barbara Brown Taylor said, “It is not necessary to take on the whole world at first. Just take the three square feet of each on which you are sitting, paying close attention to everything that lives within that small estate.”

Paying attention is not terribly complicated, but it will ask more of us than we ever imagined.

This issue of SUMS Remix looks at solutions that will help you learn to pay attention to the world around you. The solutions include: 

25 Days and 101 Ways to Move from Façade to Family

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Today’s post introduces you to Ben Connelly’s book, A Field Guide for Genuine Community. The excellent subtitle of his book is the title of this post.

Here’s the big picture:

  • Week One: WHY Should I Even Care?
  • Week Two: WHO is My Spiritual Family?
  • Week Three: WHAT Does a Spiritual Family Do?
  • Week Four: WHEN and WHERE Does a Spiritual Family Interact?
  • Week Five: HOW do we Start?

Most of the Bible’s commands that translate into English as “you” are plural in their original language: they are written to people together, not to individuals alone.

Ben Connelly

You get all kind of “community” at church…

…so why do you feel so ALONE?

You show up at church every Sunday. You see people you know. You listen to a sermon together. And then you go home feeling just as isolated as you did before. What’s going on?

We all know that a church is supposed to be a community. The trick is to actually make it one. 

Communities don’t happen by chance – certainly not in our Lone Ranger culture that values independence and individualism. A truly Christian community must be built by intentional practices that allow for deeper connections, centered on the unity that can only be found in Christ.

In A Field Guide for Genuine Community, longtime pastor and discipleship trainer Ben Connelly shows you that the biblical model for community is the family of God. In twenty-five short, practical readings, he takes you beyond the surface and helps you learn to connect with your brothers and sisters as true family members. The church isn’t meant to be a collection of strangers. God intends for you to find a unified and purposeful household where you truly belong.

Here’s the author’s brief outline of the book:

Week One (Why) dives deeper into the need for true and genuine community. Connelly considers the depth of Christian relations seen the the Bible compared to what we see today, and why we must move from façade to family.

During the first week, the focus is on opening up your home and your heart to welcome others. This involves creating a warm and inviting environment where people feel comfortable and welcomed. It can include simple gestures like hosting a casual gathering, coffee morning, or potluck dinner to encourage initial connections.

Week Two (Who) looks at the different elements of God’s Church. The author looks at realistic expectations about interactions within God’s family, from the historical and global Church to the diverse, unified Christians we interact with most regularly.

In this week, the emphasis is on building trust among community members. It involves actively listening, showing empathy, and fostering open and honest communication. Trust is the foundation of any strong community, so this week may involve activities and conversations aimed at deepening those bonds.

Week Three (What) examines various biblical commands and examples of discipleship together and helps readers apply them to their own lives and groups.

Week three is about personal growth and development within the community. This may include shared learning experiences, workshops, or discussions on topics of mutual interest. The goal is to create opportunities for community members to learn and grow together.

Week Four (When and Where) shows how the moments and places that we already interact in can be used for these kinds of relationships, even in our busy lives.

During this week, the focus shifts towards service and giving back to the community. Members are encouraged to identify ways they can contribute to the well-being of others in the group. This can involve acts of kindness, volunteering together, or supporting one another in times of need.

Week Five (How) combines the previous weeks’ content in to accessible “first steps,” while acknowledging that even the best families are messy.

The final week centers on sustainability and growth. It involves discussing how to ensure the community remains vibrant and how to expand its reach. This may include planning for future gatherings, welcoming new members, and setting goals for the continued development of the community.

These five weeks of actions aim to guide individuals and groups in the process of building and nurturing a genuine and supportive community in the context of hospitality in the home. Each week’s activities are designed to strengthen connections, trust, and shared values among community members.

A Field Guide for Genuine Community

How Your Members Can Use Their “Table” as a Bridge to Their Neighbors

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Breaking bread together has been shown to connect us deeply in ways that no other experience can. A study from the University of Oxford showed that when we eat and drink together, our bonds are strengthened, we become increasingly content, and we experience a more intensified connection to the larger community.

According to author Leonard Sweet (From Tablet to Table), if we really want to learn someone’s story, sitting down at the table and breaking bread together is the best way to start. The story of Christianity didn’t take shape behind pulpits or on altars or in books. The story of Christianity takes shape around tables, as people face one another as equals, telling stories, memories, enjoying food, with one another.

In other words, as author Hugh Halter (Happy Hour Etiquette) states, “The Gospel will not be heard until our front doors open, our tables are set, and we practice the art of hospitality, celebration, and party.”

This issue of SUMS Remix looks at solutions that will help your members learn to use their “tables” as a bridge to their neighbors. The solutions include: 

Jesus ate all kinds of food around all kinds of tables in all kinds of places with all kinds of people. To be a disciple of Jesus (then and now) is to love to eat, no matter what Jesus cooks and no matter where he sets the table. Even when only two are gathered, three are always present. Wherever we break bread together, Jesus is always at the table.

Leonard Sweet, From Tablet to Table

A Simple and Sustainable Vision for Loving Your Next-Door Neighbors

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We seek to provide a sustainable vision for the “low and slow” lifestyle of neighboring and supply practical tools that help people invest in their communities, value each step in the process, and build meaningful, gospel-motivated relationships with their fellow image-bearers right next door.

Chris and Elizabeth McKinney

In a culture where most people don’t know their neighbors’ names, where we are lonelier than ever, where we don’t know how to talk to people who are different from us, Chris and Elizabeth discovered that they couldn’t live without their neighbors.

It was on this journey of discovery that the McKinneys wrote Placed for a Purpose for those who want to grow in what Jesus Christ said was the most important thing we could ever do with our lives – to love God and love our neighbors.

They’re inviting you to grab some friends and go love your neighbors together.

Drop over to their website for a full introduction to Chris and Elizabeth and their journey to neighboring.

You will also want to listen to their podcast.

Along the way, be sure to check out their book, as well as other connections they can make with like-minded churches and leaders.

How Can We Serve Our Neighbors If We Haven’t Paid Attention to Them?

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Welcome to the age of white noise.

We live our lives in a constant tether to phones, to apps, and to social media – mostly acquiescing to FOMO.

In this age of distraction, the ability to experience and be present is often lost, as is our capacity to think and to see and to listen.

Rob Walker, The Art of Noticing

At a basic level, paying attention is simply making a selection among all the stimuli bombarding you at any moment.

Even if we ignore most of what is going on around us, we can only take in so much of the world at a time. Our sensory system has a limited capacity, both in range and in speed of processing.

I was paying so little attention to most of what was right before me that I had become a sleepwalker on the sidewalk. What I saw and attended to was exactly what I expected to see. That attention invited attention’s companion: inattention to everything else.

Alexandra Horowitz, On Looking

Questions to Ponder

  • How do you observe the all-too-familiar in order to discover new meaning and discern the activity of God that others miss?
  • What do you look for?
  • How can you learn to scrutinize the obvious?
  • What does it mean to look for the extraordinary in the ordinary?

I would like to suggest the answer to these questions begins with seeing through the lens of love.

Download the tool below to begin a ten-day journey in looking at your neighbors through the lens of love, specifically with the Fruit of the Spirit in mind.

 

The fruit of the Spirit are not merely characteristics that we aspire to own. They are glorious graces that characterize all those who pursue a Christlike character.

In order to “pay attention” by following the Holy Spirit, use the nine fruit of the spirit as described by pastor, professor, and storyteller, Calvin Miller as a framework for incorporating them into your life.

Lead a Church that Knows, and Loves, Its Neighbors

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Let’s play a word game – read the word at the end of this sentence, then jot down the first three things that come to your mind in the space below: Neighbor.

What was on your list? Was it Mr. Rogers, or the latest mobile game “Hello Neighbor,” or maybe a generic group of people?

What about a specific person or family? Someone whom you know more than just a first name – someone whom you have established some sort of relationship that goes beyond the surface.

“Neighbor” is one of those words that can encompass dozens of meanings, good and bad experiences, and warm memories or frightful nightmares.

Neighbor certainly has connotations beyond someone who lives near or next door to you – and rightfully so. But let’s start there – the person who lives in close proximity to you.

Do you understand who your neighbor is? Even better are you leading a church full of people who understand who their neighbors are?

This SUMS Remix will help you answer these two vital questions, for the health of your church, and your ministry. The solutions include: